Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
