Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
