If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
