i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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