she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
