im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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