'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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