Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
