i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
found the other keg... it's in the tree
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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