a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
