whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
