I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
