Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
