I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
