you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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