I don't think brook has ever known best
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
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