the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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