I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
