Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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