How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
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