I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
