I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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