My cat gives me a boner
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
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