last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize
