I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
