I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
