its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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