she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I understand Curling. That high.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Randomize
