wanna go halves on a baby?
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Say something about gay babies.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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