I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
