So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
porn star boner night. come get it.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
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