Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
