Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
