Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize