So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
