I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
