I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize