how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
