shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
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