Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
