True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
