You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
