thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Randomize