I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
