6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
my liver is dry heaving
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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