so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize
