mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
