please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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