my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Randomize
