what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
