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We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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