i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Randomize
