They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I don't deserve a penis
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
