I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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