I need to stop coming to work sober
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
