Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
