: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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