walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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