i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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