If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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