I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Randomize
