I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
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