i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Randomize