Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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