Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
