When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
What drink are we having for lunch?
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Randomize
