Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
