Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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