just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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