but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
