i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
