I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
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