Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize