next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Randomize
