It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Randomize